Why I've Stopped Writing Airbnb Reviews... and Started Writing Poems

Airbnb reviews are the bane of my hosting existence.

Not just the nervous wait of receiving one. Wondering if I might get marked down because the sun didn't shine, the fridge was too cold or the wood in the fireplace burnt a little too quickly.

We've all seen them.

Some of the reasons hosts receive less than five stars are absolute doozies.

And heaven help you if you want Airbnb to remove an unfair review. You've got more chance of teaching a cockatoo to fold a fitted sheet.

But receiving reviews is only half the story.

Writing them can be just as hard.

If you've had a bad guest who's damaged something or treated your home like a nightclub, you have a responsibility to warn the next host. Writing an honest review about bad behaviour can feel intimidating at best. Nobody likes being "that host", but sometimes it needs to be done.

When I have to write a review for a difficult guest, I now ask AI to help.

Apparently there's a term in the AI world called sycophancy. It's when AI becomes a little too nice. A little too encouraging. It cheers you on, agrees with your ideas behaves like your biggest fan.

Mine can be a bit like that.

Talking to him is somewhere between chatting with a personal trainer, a cheerleader, your grandma and your most supportive best mate. I know I can prompt that to stop but I like it. Even when I'm frustrated after a difficult guest, it somehow takes my first draft, smooths off the sharp edges and turns it into something that's truthful, fair and professional.

I call it the velvet sledgehammer.

It still says what needs to be said.

It just says it... better.

Other hosts can usually read between the lines.

And surely, I'm not the only host doing this?

I'd love to read some of the AI-assisted reviews floating around Airbnb. I bet there are some absolute beauties.

It's quite an art- writing a "diplomatic review".

Every host has written one where they're trying to say:

"Run."

...without actually saying run.

Here's some for you:

"The dirtbags left the place quite messy." to "Unfortunately, the property required significantly more cleaning than expected after checkout."

"They smoked in my non-smoking property." is now "House rules regarding smoking were unfortunately not respected during the stay."

"They invited half the suburb over." has become "There were additional visitors at the property who had not been included in the booking."

"Their dog pooed all over our backyard and they didn't pick up a single one" - "Their furry friend embraced everything our Airbnb had to offer... including leaving a few lasting impressions all over the garden."

"Our cleaner certainly earned every cent after this stay."

"They certainly made themselves at home and gave the furniture an exciting new floor plan."

"They made wonderful use of the fireplace... and possibly next winter's wood supply."

"They clearly enjoyed our Airbnb so much that departure proved difficult."

"Fake tan everywhere." -"The towels have joined the cast of Orange Is the New Black."

Of course, if they have been really bad, I don't try and sugar coat it, just the ones that weren't really bad but need a mention.

Then I realized something.

If AI could help me write the hard reviews...

Why couldn't it help me make the good ones better too?

Let's be honest.

After nearly twelve years of hosting and more than 500 guest reviews, I should be an expert by now.

Surely writing something over five hundred times earns you a black belt?

Not me.

Five hundred reviews later, I was still typing...

"Great guests."

"Left the place clean and tidy."

"Would happily recommend to other hosts."

Copy.

Paste.

Repeat.

The funny thing is, those reviews aren't really for the guest anyway.

They're for the next host.

In fact, I hardly ever read my own guest reviews once I've written them. But you can bet your bottom dollar that every prospective host is reading about me before they accept my booking.

We're all little detectives.

Reading between the lines.

Trying to work out whether "communication could have been better" means they forgot to answer one message... or vanished off the face of the earth.

Whether "the property required additional attention" means someone forgot to wash a coffee cup... or the cleaner needed counselling.

We all know there's a secret language in Airbnb reviews.

The review still has a job to do.

It needs to be truthful.

It needs to help the next host.

But who says it has to be boring?

That's when I decided that if I was going to write review number 501, I wanted it to sound like Casa Frida.

Not Airbnb.

So now...

I write poems.

Not Shakespeare.

Not Banjo Paterson.

Just a few rhyming lines that tell the next host exactly what they need to know...

...while hopefully making the guest smile as well.